Who Are You When You're No One At All?

I've always wondered what it would be like to consciously disappear and become no one. Escape from society, its demands, but most importantly, its many labels. Before we know ourselves, these seem to be pressures all vying for a place in our consciousness, telling us what and who we should aspire to be and why. Try as we may to convince ourselves of our own originality, in reality we end up picking from an already carefully curated list of masks to perform as.

A desperation to find a church when we catch a glimpse of the void, panic, and attempt to rebuild anew, but we never stop to question what it is we are building these identities to shield ourselves from. Better yet, if we are merely just the same character, momentarily wearing just another fitting costume.

In the age of rampant modernity, this question becomes ever more important, not because of its philosophical conundrum, but due to the bombardment of choice. Everywhere we turn, someone claims to have found an answer, not excluding myself. The internet, in all its wonders, has brought forth an even more difficult mountain on the climb towards self discovery. From numerous self-help podcasts to talking heads telling you that the previous advice you thought unlocked something in you was, in fact, not the answer all along.

Ultimately, where my search brought me to was not an answer, but an unsettling truth. That there had to be a distinction between seeking a structure, albeit momentary, to guide, and clinging onto one in fear of the nothingness on the journey towards discovery. No one has the answer, because no one is you, but everyone is a guide. And just as a lighthouse guides a ship, it should not invite the ship to stay. It acts merely as a guide that the ship must not mistake for home.